AW! Now in marketing tutorial. My stomach dam pain now. Don’t know why recently, my body had been acting weirdly. Knee cap suddenly feel so pain while walking, scare that this might be the “fu fa” of the injuries. Gonna see Dr soon, hopefully he’ll know why is it so. Mama had being telling me to go for a full body check-up. But I insist that I will not go. Not because I scare later found out don’t know what illnesses, then it will affect my life. Is just that honestly, I know that there’s something wrong. I don’t want to tell mum, scare she’ll get worried. I had being asking God, why are you putting me through all these things. Why? Life’s forever unfair to me. Feeling so terrible and, yet I can’t do anything.

I intend to secretly go for a body check up when I grow older, maybe in the future.

Sometimes I had some silly thoughts. How long can I live? Life’s so unpredictable. When I’m gone, will there be people who will tear for me? Will there be people who will remember me? Will there be people who will feel sad for ma? Who will take care of all my Doraemons? My family? My turtles? Life’s short, some say we must cherish every moment of our life, but some people feel that “ shun qi zi rang” is better.

Well, had a talk with S this morning and I seems to realize something, why suddenly I’m like vexing over so many small matters and all these if i don't get involved, how peaceful my life is. Or is it I care a lot? Or what? I very KPO? I think so.

Recently, got some things happen between everyone around me, I was like thinking, am I the one @ fault? Am I the one who tries to understand what is REALLY happening around make things worse? It seems that there are a lot of things going through my mind now and I can’t seem to get concentrated. I told myself, ok, now JUST OVER ALL THESE THINGS. Forget about it. In the future, when I look back at all these matters, it will seem to be like: WOW, WHY am I SO VEXED OVER THESE TRIVIAL MATTER?"

So I intend to do something. I'm gonna just keep quiet and keep my mouth shut. Just shut up ChinFang! Just focus with my studies. Studies are my top priority for now, nothing else. Just do my work and complete it. ^^

**self-reflections**

I know that some things are beyond my controls, but I never give up trying to control it. In the end, I know is all useless.

I know that sometimes my words can get hurtful, I’ll try to change.

I must change, not for anyone, but for myself to get on with my life even better. Back to where and who I am.

Everyone, everything and every matter, I am the one @ fault, everyone blame me can le, maybe I’m the one who cause all these misunderstandings. I just want everything to get back to normal. I tired le. Very exhausted. Let’s just get over all this now….just now.