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Saturday, April 30, 2011
一步一步... 五月一日. 又是新的一月. Staring blankly out of the window. No changes made. Everything is still the same. Neither feeling happy nor sad. Maybe I need something to numbed me every night and making me sleepy. Don't say I've change. If you think I've changed, it means that I am not living in your world. Such a peaceful night. Thinking of all the happenings during the day. Am I thinking too much? Am I kicking a big fuss over a small matter? Am I childish? Oh well. I think so. Self admit. Not being myself these few days. I need time to adjust everything back. Just give me some more time people. Probably, I'll take ages. Patience is all I need from people around. Irritate people around me. Annoyed them. Yes, I know. But, I can't seem to like control it. Depression? I'm not sure. Sometimes I just need some space alone. Just me myself. "Are you ok?" This question directed to me, my standard answer: "Yup, Ok ar" Yes. OK on the surface. I hardly open up to people. Maybe it's because of my upbringing or childhood memories, it caused me to be like what I am today. My character, my mentality. For 21years, if I try to change it, I'll need ____years to do so? I hardly tell my true feelings or problems. Not because I don't trust the person. Its because I can't pass my own heart's test. Of opening up to people. Actually, even me myself don't know who I am. Who am I? The crazy/ emo/ happy/ numbed/ zombie-like/ annoyed Chinfimo? |
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